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 Some things seem like a good idea at three in the morning.
In my pre-baby days, those regrettable-in-the-harsh-light-of-day incidents were the two for one tequila shots or that kebab with the lot. As a new mum I can still be found rubbing my eyes in the wee small hours but this time, instead of the tell-tale foil wrapper and pile of tabouleh, my sleep-deprived brainwave was to start thinking up nursery rhymes for how I was feeling.
Like most things that take place at 3am, much of it was well-forgotten by morning, but what I can remember has morphed into The Newborn Alphabet.
The Newborn Alphabet
A is for ABSTINENCE a vow you might consider taking;
Unless you are the OctoMom who’s so keen on baby-making.
B is for BREASTFEEDING which can be harder than you’re thinking;
Although sometimes it seems quite strange to use fun-bags for drinking.
C is for CRYING, something that newborns do a lot.
It doesn’t matter where they are: pram, bassinet, or cot.
D is for DADDIES who give the biggest hugs,
They always help the Mummies and they squash the nasty bugs.
E is for EQUIPMENT as babies need a tonne of stuff,
You may need a second mortgage because one is not enough!
F is for FUZZY which you might feel quite a lot,
Also FORMULA and FEVER and another thing that I forgot.
G is for GAGA or how your baby tries to speak,
It’s also for that “Lady” who wears bubble wrap each week.
H is for HEALTH CHECKS to measure HEIGHT and weight and HEAD,
Great for asking questions like “why’s my baby’s bum so red?”
I is for IMMUNISE if you choose to get the jab,
Your bub will cry a little bit – but not quite as much as Dad.
J is for JUMPSUITS and the cute things babies wear,
That have those &*%$^ press-studs that can make you scream and swear
K is for KISSES by the billions that you’ll give,
Because you’ve never loved this much, not as long as you have lived.
L is for LAUGHTER because babies know Mummies are funny,
With tickles, silly faces and wet raspberries on the tummy!
M is for MUMMY the hardest and most rewarding job you’ll ever do,
And you’ll be paid with kisses, hugs and when they say, “I love you too”
N is for NAPPIES: some are plastic, some are cloth.
No matter what kind you use, most bubs prefer them off.
O is for OUTINGS for catching up with friendly faces,
For coffees, conversation and ‘parents with prams’ car-spaces.
P is for POOP and PEE and rumblings ‘down south’,
Just make sure you watch for squirters and be sure to close your mouth!
Q is for QUESTIONS and you’ll have new ones every day,
From your neighbour to your postman everyone will have their say.
R is for ROUTINE which can bring structure to your day,
Time for eating and for sleeping and there’s even time for play!
S is for SLOBBER and SPIT-UP which both make life much wetter,
It also stands for STITCHES (but less said ‘bout them the better).
T is for TUMMY TIME for making baby stronger.
T also stands for TEETHING which can make your days feel longer.
U is for UMBILICAL CORD: it quickly gets a cuttin’;
Maybe innie, maybe outie: it becomes a belly button.
V is for VISITORS who come bearing hugs, gifts and well-wishes,
But most of all we love the ones who help to do the dishes.
W is for WONDER and for baby’s sense of awe,
For everyday there’s something new they haven’t seen before.
X is for eXHAUSTION from jumping in and out of bed,
‘Cos new Mummies and new Daddies all feel like the living dead!
Y is for YOU-TIME as Mummies need relaxing, that’s for sure!
Go for a walk, meet up with friends or get a pedicure (or all three!).
Z is for ZYGOTE – when sperm meets egg it is the single cell,
Not really relevant to new bubs, but still very hard to spell.
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