| My Space, Your Space - Negotiating the digital age with your kids |
| Written by Jayne Kearney |
 Wicked stepmothers, The Big Bad Wolf, witches, giants, ogres, trolls and dragons – the world of childhood has long been populated by villains. On the crest of the 21st century - with many fairytales sanitised by Hollywood - a new monster emerged: The Internet. But are the horror stories we hear about the online world fact or fiction, and how do we travel through this world safely with our kids? Jayne Kearney investigates.Late last century as the online world grew beyond the comprehension of the everyday mum and dad, a certain sense of panic permeated the world of parenting. Horror stories about the ‘Net and associated digital technologies – cyber-bullying, predators and paedophiles, teen ‘sexting’, cyber-stalking, online pornography – started to emerge. With the popular media being the usual authors of modern internet stories, parents, sometimes out of their depth, found themselves being caught up in a fear of technology. But, as parents of babies, toddlers and children who will all too soon be immersed in the digital world - if they aren’t already - it is important for us to avoid technophobia so that we can successfully lead our children through the maze of cyberspace. The internet and mobile phone technology have been linked to some truly tragic events in recent history. The Columbine High School Massacre is most often discussed in such arguments. In 1999, teenagers, Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold, embarked on a massacre, killing 12 students and a teacher, and injuring 21 others before committing suicide. Prior to the massacre Harris created a website where he posted blogs about his intentions to kill fellow students and teachers. Another high profile incident was the 2006 suicide of 13-year-old Megan Meier in the US. It has been suggested that Megan’s suicide was at least partially caused by cyber-bullying on her MySpace account perpetrated by the mother of an ex-friend. In Australia a quick scour of recent news coverage will reveal stories of cyber-bullying, harassment by mobile phone and the seizing of computers containing images of child pornography. Add to this the more recent phenomena of ‘sexting’ – the act of sending sexually explicit messages or photos via mobile phone – and ‘e-brawling’ - the posting of fights between kids on YouTube, as has been widely reported in recent weeks by The Herald - and we have a litany of digital horrors, enough to frighten any caring mum or dad. While many of these stories are tragic – some beyond comprehension – it is worth applying a measure of common sense to our understanding of the real issues at the heart of these incidents. American researcher Danah Boyd is one of the leading social commentators in this area. Her work deals with the online environment and the way it is negotiated by kids. Boyd acknowledges the changing landscape for modern youth and the role of technology in this new landscape. She says, “There are many ways to respond to this shift. The most popular response is panic. Every time a new genre of social media emerges and is adopted en masse by teens, many folks run around screaming that the sky is falling, the sky is falling!” With this in mind it is important to inform ourselves as much as possible so that we can keep a lid on the panic while ensuring that the welfare of our children remains our utmost priority. So what are digital dangers, how real are they and how do parents negotiate them with their children? Inappropriate Content The trade-off for having almost anything you need to know ‘just a mouse-click away’ is that this will also include some things you – or your kids - may not want to know. Some of the content which is available online includes pornography, hate groups (websites which reflect hatred of ethnic, religious or other social groups), violence ( instructional websites such as bomb or weapon making, vigilante or violent groups’ websites, and websites displaying explicit violent behaviour) and online advertising which may be inappropriate for children. Internet filters are available for the purpose of limiting kids’ access to some of this content. There are downsides to such filters including the fact that tech-savvy kids can often get around them. Donna, mother of three says, “If you have Net Nanny (an internet filter), it really limits your browsing to a ridiculous level, but there is also the very real possibility that a child Googling something innocent will find themselves on a porn site. This happened to my daughter Bella. She must not remember it, but she was looking for a picture of Bart Simpson one day and ended up on porn - quickly shut down, as you can imagine.” Perhaps this is a key understanding: regular kids are not usually interested in such sites and know that they are not suitable for their viewing. Many households include discussions about private parts/rude parts (or whatever terminology you may use) and the guidelines you have in place for such issues can be carried over into a discussion about ‘rude’ things online. Kids should be taught not to search for information that is not appropriate for their age group and to tell an adult if they accidentally stumble across something which they feel may be inappropriate. Cyber-bullying It seems that whenever something takes on a flashy new catchphrase our fear level escalates. Cyber-bullying, e-brawling, sexting - when the spin doctors do their job many of us can feel as if we are strangers in a strange land. As parents this can cause us to go into protection overdrive. But, when it comes to cyber-bullying Danah Boyd asserts that, “Bullying probably has not increased because of the Internet, but it’s visibility to adults definitely has. Kids have long been bullied by peers at school without adults ever knowing. Now adults can see it. Most adults think that this means that the Internet is the culprit, but this logic is flawed and dangerous.” Bullying is a complex issue but one over which parents have a degree of control - particularly in the early part of a child’s life. Boyd says, “It’s important to note that bullying is best curbed in childhood when children learn that saying something mean gives them power. As a parent, you should be vigilant about never saying mean things about others in front of your child. You should also make it very clear that mean words are intolerable. Set that frame early on and reinforce. If you see mean comments online, call them out, even if they’re nothing more than ‘your dress is ugly’.” But in a less than perfect world such measures do not completely solve the problem. Boyd says, “Unfortunately, not all parents are very involved in their kids’ lives and bullying is heavily correlated with problems at home. This is why we need solutions that go beyond parents and kids.” Boyd’s suggestion for such problems is a radical re-working of more traditional outreach programs. “The most important thing that we need is digital street outreach. We need college-aged young adults to troll the digital world looking out for teens who are in trouble and helping them seek help. We need online counsellors who can work with minors to address their behavioural issues without forcing the minor to contend with parents or bureaucracy.” Online Predators/Paedophiles Stories of online predators and paedophiles play directly into a parent’s worst nightmares. And, while predatory behaviour and paedophilia are not exclusive to the online world, this does not mean that these dangers are any less troubling than they have always been. However, the fact that such issues are so heinous to the average person is what deems them newsworthy to many media outlets. Such outlets provide a service in raising awareness of the dangers but they can also contribute to a level of fear and panic which may not be warranted. In an article titled, Online “Predators” and Their Victims Myths, Realities, and Implications for Prevention and Treatment, authors Janis Wolak, David Finkelhor, Michele L. Ybarra and Kimberly J. Mitchell of the University of New Hampshire write, “The publicity about online “predators” who prey on naïve children using trickery and violence is largely inaccurate. Some news reports have suggested that law enforcement is facing an epidemic of these sex crimes perpetrated through a new medium by a new type of criminal. Needless to say, these reports have raised fears about Internet use by children and adolescents and about the safety of specific online activities such as interacting online with unknown people, posting profiles containing pictures and personal information, and maintaining Web pages at social networking sites.” But are our kids in as much danger as we are sometimes led to believe? In their paper these authors concluded that, “Although online molesters take advantage of developmentally normal adolescent interests in romance and sex, some youths may be particularly at risk. This group includes boys who are gay or questioning their sexual orientations; youths with histories of sexual or physical abuse; and those who frequent chatrooms, talk online to unknown people about sex, or engage in patterns of risky off or online behaviour.” Danah Boyd backs this research by saying that the kids in danger online are usually kids who are troubled elsewhere. “They are the kids who are being beaten at home and blog about it. They are the kids who publicly humiliate other kids to get attention. They are the kids who seek sex with strangers as a form of validation. They are the kids who are lonely, suicidal, and self-destructive. They are online. They are calling out for help. Why aren’t we listening? And why are we blaming the technology instead?” From such research we may conclude that keeping our kids safe and nurtured in the real world may be the real key to keeping them safe online. Social Networking The history of social media is a fascinating one but the upshot of it all is that, unless you have been hiding under a rock, you will be aware of the MySpace/Facebook phenomenon. These online networking sites allow people to create a personal page and hook up with other ‘friends’. Users usually have to be 13 and older, although there are sites available for younger kids, including Aussie site Ekidnaworld. But is this a radical new imagining of social life in the 21st century? The teenage years have always been a highly social time - just think back to your own high school days. C.J. Pascoe, a postdoctoral scholar with the University of California, Berkeley’s Digital Youth Research project says, “I think it’s old teenage culture in a new wrapper. When you looked at kids in the ‘70s and the ‘80s, in the ‘90s, their lockers [were] covered in pictures.” Sounds like an early version of a MySpace page. Danah Boyd agrees, “Today’s teens are still more interested in their friends than their lessons. They’re still resistant to power and authority at variable levels. They still gossip, bully, flirt, joke around, and hang out. The underlying dynamics are fairly consistent.” But when this social life is translated into the realm of networking sites the usual cyber-fears emerge once more. But again we must ask if such fears are really warranted. Pascoe says, “I found in my interviews with teens that they’re a lot more savvy than we think they are. For instance, most of the teens I’ve talked to who have migrated to Facebook ... do so out of concerns about privacy, because they can really limit who sees their site, and they can actually give different groups different levels of access to their site.” But she maintains that, “We do need to teach our children digital literacy. They need to know how to keep themselves safe online, they need to think about the information that they’re putting out there, and they need to be able to have discussions with their parents about it.” “What I think is unhealthy is when parents respond to these media stories by saying, ‘You can’t go on MySpace; MySpace is just dangerous.’ And I have had that happen … and the kids just go [to] their friend’s houses and set up MySpaces. It doesn’t stop them; it just shuts down communication and shuts down any chance the kid has of talking to his or her parents about what they’re doing and strategies for being safe.” When I asked Donna about the online rules she enforces with her 14-year-old daughter, Bella, and her seven-year-old twins she said, “Bella is pretty much allowed to go online when she likes - she has her own computer (which she bought herself) and her freedom in that way. We have discussed the dangers of online chat rooms with her. She spends a lot of time on MSN Messenger, with school friends. She knows that I am likely to go on to her computer at any time and check who she is talking with. She is also only allowed on Facebook because I am one of her friends on there, and check up on what she is doing. The twins only go online for Mathletics and Disney.” Donna continues, “There is no way you can stop it really, unless you have no computers in the house - and even then, friends will have them. Bella keeps up with old friends through MSN and Facebook, and discusses schoolwork and assignments with her current classmates (but, they are very nerdy!). I am happy for her to spend her time on there, but, Sam (Donna’s husband) is able to easily restrict her access to the internet, and also check her history - not all households have a software engineer handy! In any case, Bella spends a lot of time downstairs where I can be watching over her shoulder.” Bella herself has a sensible understanding of the online environment. She says, “I think some of the problems that there are with kids and the online environment is that you never really know who you are talking to. For instance, if you just add anyone as a friend on Facebook, they can see everything you post on there. And, if kids are silly enough they could give away information which could end up being used to stalk them. It’s stranger danger, but on a different scale.” Danah Boyd says that the most important way to negotiate the online world with kids is through education, “Educators have a critical role when it comes to helping youth navigate social media. You can help them understand how to make sense of what they’re seeing. We can call this ‘media literacy’ or ‘digital literacy’ or simply learning to live in a modern society. Youth need to know more than just how to use the tools - they need to understand the structures around them. You need to understand what they’re doing and why. Most importantly, you need to not reject what they’re doing or fetishise it.” This idea is echoed by continued calls to teach our kids to use the technology wisely rather than create a culture of fear and loathing. Parry Aftab, the Executive Director of WiredSafety, says, “We need to teach kids good cybercitizenship. We need to teach them etiquette, good manners online: You don’t type in all capital letters; you’re responsive; you check and make sure the person you’re sending the text message is really the person you wanted to send it to, instead of mistyping it and have something end up in the wrong hands. We teach them to use emoticons: little smilies or something else to let people know they’re kidding, because no one can see your expression online. We need to teach them how to use the technology responsibly, and if we can do that, I can keep the kids safe.” Protecting your kids online These handy tips are taken from the Cybersmart Kids website. Visit www.cybersmartkids.com.au. • Spend time online with your kids. Check out good sites together. The internet can be a fun family activity! • Help your kids use the internet as an effective research tool - learn about handy homework tips for kids and also good searching ideas. • Learn about the world out there. Kids are communicating in a diverse range of ways, from chat to IM, and from message boards to blogs. Learn how these work and what tools they offer to protect your child’s privacy. • Be aware of online stranger danger, particularly in chat rooms. Set house rules about what information your children can give out and where they can go online. • Put the internet computer in a public area of the home, such as the living room, rather than a child’s bedroom. • Talk to your kids about their internet experiences, the good and the bad. Let them know it’s OK to tell you if they come across something that worries them. (It doesn’t mean that they’re going to get into trouble) • Teach your kids that there are ways they can deal with disturbing material - they should not respond if someone says something inappropriate, and they should immediately exit any site if they feel uncomfortable or worried by it. • Teach children that information on the internet is not always reliable. • Encourage children to treat others in the same way they should in real life by giving them an understanding of Netiquette. • Know the best ways of avoiding spam. • Consider using filters, labels and safe zones. Links • Australian Government NetAlert • Danah Boyd • Ekidnaworld • Frontline: Growing Up Online • My Space Unraveled, Anne Collier • Online “Predators” and Their Victims Myths, Realities, and Implications for Prevention and Treatment • University of Southern California and University of California, Berkeley Digital Youth Research • WiredSafety
Bookmark
Email this
Comments (0)
 Write comment
|
Subscribe to this comment's feed
Show/hide comment form