| Mum Said/ Dad Said : Food Fight |
| Written by Jayne Kearney and Chris Howe | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Thursday, 25 March 2010 12:22 | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
MUM SAID... This month I confess my guilty parenting secret: my kids don’t eat vegetables. Or fruit, really.Like all good tales this one has its roots in childhood trauma. My own. The dinnertime rule when I was a kid was that we all had to stay seated until everyone had finished the meal. That’s a nice, courteous kind of rule: if only it hadn’t been for the recalcitrant second youngest of our tribe; the most godforsaken, stubbornest child ever born. My parents were meat and three veg kind of people. But it was those three veg which were my sister’s - and, by extension, everyone else’s - undoing. She simply couldn’t stomach them. Unfortunately, the rest of us had to listen to mum and dad get crankier. Threats, promises, pleas, sisterly pinches – nothing worked. When I became a parent I determined that I would never, EVER repeat the ‘dinner table as battlefield’ scenario I grew up with. I would prepare an array of nutritional foods which I would nonchalantly scatter around the dining room. My children would casually partake of them and thrive. My firstborn read the memo. She was a ‘good eater’. My second born, not so much. “They’ll eat when they’re hungry,” the books opined. They also made helpful suggestions about a maddening choo-choo train, an aeroplane and food-as-smiley-face. I ignored them all. Levi now eats Weetbix and toast. Sometimes he eats toast and Weetbix. That’s all. In keeping with our ‘united we stand’ parenting philosophy, my husband, Luke – a health nut of the highest order – joined me on our ‘just don’t say anything’ quest. But we all have a breaking point. And so, it came to pass - as I guess it had to - that our table did become a battlefield, with father and son locked in mortal (food) combat. As Luke lectured our boy long and loud I saw a future of disordered eating with a nice lie down on a psychiatrist’s couch. Should I step in? But I held my tongue (well, apparently I rolled my eyes in a show of disunity, but that’s a whole other battle). Levi copped a full serving. Later, as Luke cooled off by watering our back garden, Levi sidled up to him. With one sentence he quelled my anxiety about his future. He looked up at Luke and said, with genuine intent, “Thanks Daddy for teaching me about healthy eating.” Awww. And my sister, the one who ruined every dinnertime when I was a kid? Well, she’s the mum who slices eight different fruits for her kids for afternoon tea. She’s the mum who makes nutritionally balanced meals for her family. She’s the mum who cooks all weekend for the week ahead. She beats me hands down. Maybe there’s something to be said for childhood trauma after all.
Sometimes I wonder if my daughter will end up eating nothing but cheese. That’s what happened to some poor bloke on a BBC TV show sensitively named Freaky Eaters. He only ate cheese. Cheddar, to be specific.
Extract from the Raising Children Network website. Toddlers benefit a great deal by being included in the family meal. From this experience, they absorb everything from table manners to family dynamics, social skills and an open-minded attitude towards new food. Parents can help make mealtime a valuable learning experience for toddlers – as well as a more pleasurable time for all concerned – by setting up a few house rules:
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Comments (6)
KylieL
said:
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... I lov this column- the two of you do a great job! All that, uh, chemistry, no doubt. LOL at Jayne nonchalantly scattering food around the dining room and Chris sneaking in a contraband Vegemite sandwich. You both make me feel that my own second-born, who won't eat food that is touching other food, is actually quite normal. have either of you read Johanatha Franzen's 'The Corections'? There is a dinner-time battle in that that will stay with you forever- I read it 8 years ago and I still shudder at the memory. Read it and feel better about yourselves. |
Meredith @ thinkthinks
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... Love it! I do think Dads get more worked up about it than mums. Well the one in this house does. I have one finicky eater and one child who will eat whatever is put in front of them. Trouble is, it varies from meal to meal depending on what we are eating. Daughter eats pasta, only the leanest cuts of meat, more pasta, potatoes are good, most salad veg - not so much the steamed veg. No rice! Son eats all meat in all forms as long as it is medium rare or very tender, most veges, lettuce and rice. No potatoes! NO CHEESE! (Which was worrying me, but at least he wont become Cheddar Man! Thank you for putting my mind at rest.)And he will not ever never eat a tomato. Neither of them are keen on fruit except watermelon, so scurvy is kept at bay over summer at least. |
LisaMaree
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What I now know.... When my first, much waited for,daughter was born I was going to be the 'perfect mother'. How's that working out for you, you may ask? Perfect mother be gone!! there is no such thing. The food thing was my biggest issue she will eat right, she will eat healthy and I will make sure of it. I once cooked a meal with 13 different fruit and veg on the plate. Did she eat it, who knows I can't remember. What I know now is pick your battles, and the dinner table is for enjoying not battling. Great column guys, I look forward to each installment. |
The NDM
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Can My half-sister has the kind of palate that belongs in the Northern Highlands - she's a self-confessed "plain eater". I was determined, after having to arrange her salad plates as "smiley faces", to give my own children much broader horizons. My approach with the kids has always been "you have to try it but you don't have to eat it all". With my eldest, this has worked a treat. Slowly, I've extended his diet from strictly yoghurt, lamb cutlets (not chops) and peachy-num-nums (stewed peaches) to encompass a veritable United Nations of cuisines. My second child, however, seems to be narrowing her palate with every passing day. Dishes that once were on her list of "permissible foods" are dropping off like flies. As I write, I can't think of a single form of carbohydrate she will tolerate and she only likes eggs "without the yellow bits". She's on the South Beach Diet, it would seem. As for my third child? He will chew anything and everything with great enthusiasm and vigour and then spit it out unceremoniously, mostly into my open (and waiting) hand. I think he's preparing food for baby birds. Yes, that must be it. Whatever. Great column, guys. |
1writergrrl
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It's like deja vu all over again... Some of my most vivid childhood memories revolve around those mealtime battles. So, of course, I also had grand plans of all the healthy foods I would present my children, whilst retaining an air of open acceptance that would allow them to develop their own palate. Yeah, I won't waste my energy telling you how that went (or how incredibly quickly it flew out that window). But as I have one of each type of eater, I have learned to just offer as much healthy food as possible and refuse to fight if they push it away. I also get sneaky about finding juices that Mr Picky likes...you know, the kinds that just 'happen' to contain both fruit & vegie juices.  As a reformed picky (read: stubborn) eater myself, I know that chances are they'll survive childhood and probably eat pretty well as adults. |
tiggy
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... My children do have healthy eating habits, although I suspect this has a lot to do with a combination of them having fast metabolisms that require them to eat vast quantities at each sitting, and the fact that I'm as stubborn as my grandmother. My eldest (7) is the fussiest, as well as the hungriest (at 8mths he used te eat 9 WeetBix for breakfast!). When he tries to assert himiself by refusing to eat his vegetables, we put them in the fridge and serve them for his next meal. It works. |
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