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In this fun piece, American writer Jane Suter is desperately seeking a playdate - for herself.
Part 1: In which Jane embarks on a search for friend-worthy moms
The concrete jungle of playground equipment looms before me on this random Tuesday afternoon. Maybe this will be the day. The day I meet her: Mrs. Right. Heck, I’ll even take Mrs. Right Now. I have long since lost the idealism of a perfect match. But these days, the prospect of finding a playdate, any playdate, seems slim to none.
The stay-at-home mom I seek is not for benefit of my boys. No, it’s for me. I have been “off the market” for a while: having babies, changing diapers and potty training. Now that I am ready to put myself out there again, it seem all the good ones are taken. What’s an attractive, intelligent 40-year-old woman to do?
I approach the monkey bars with my sons Gavin, 5, and Beckett, 3, eagerly looking for any prospects. I spot one under the neon green, corkscrew sliding board. She looks nice, well put together. Maybe she craves a new friend who understands the minutia of our daily robotic life. The mind-numbing “Groundhog Day” of laundry, snacks, cleaning up, bedtime, repeat.
I remember, not so long ago, when making friends used to be easy. Before kids, I was fun, outgoing and energetic. Yeah, I’ll say it: I was hot, hot, hot! But these days I am a pantry full of Cheerio’s and a case of wet wipes away from being a survivalist. The scolds of “no” and “not now” are the only intelligent words that have crossed my lips these past five years. Sure, I have memorized every Sesame Street and Laurie Berkner song ever recorded, and I can act out the Itsy Bitsy Spider with Academy Award precision, but this impresses few, save the under-4 crowd.
I worry that I have been out of circulation too long to jump back into the game. That my edge is gone and my appeal faded. Or worse, that I have lost the ability to speak the foreign language of adulthood. Still, I approach the woman.
“Hi, my name is Jane,” spills out of my mouth, a little too eagerly. “Hi,” she replies, looking a little caught off guard. “I’m Julie.”
I bet she gets hit on all the time.
I introduce my boys, who made friends with her children in less than 40 seconds – the little showoffs – and I begin the clumsy dance of probing her for information.
We exchange some pleasantries like, “What a great day to be outside,” and “Wow, this park is clean,” and then I notice it. Right there in the middle of her shirt: a baby bump. We talk some more and I learn she is due any day now. In other words, she is off the market. For the next six months she will be devoid of any contact with the outside world. Enmeshed in that foggy malaise of sleep deprivation and baby vomit. She simply wouldn’t have time for a new relationship.
My fantasy of the two of us sipping Merlot together on her gorgeous back deck while our cherubs play perfectly together is dashed. The rumors are true. All the good ones are taken.
As I leave the playground, juggling my boys jackets, gloves, hats, Cheerio bag, a tan rubber dinosaur, my car keys, a light up giant eyeball, three rocks, some acorns and a sand encrusted Hot Wheels car, I wonder … Am I doomed to be single forever?
I posed this question to another mom I tried to “pick up” last week. Sadly, she was already in a committed relationship with three gal-pals with children the same age as hers. (She’s a playdate polygamist!) But we discussed how hard it was to meet moms you want to hang out with: the fun ones, the happy ones, the ones without issues. She gave me hope. If she could date three at one time, then surely I could land one. So I’ve re-doubled my efforts. After all, I am quality. Any mom would be lucky to have me as her playdate. Right?
Will Jane find a new friend? UPDATE: Read Part 2 of Desperately Seeking Playdate here.
About the author: A proud Penn State grad, Jane worked as a radio DJ at a rock station until finding her passion as an award-winning copywriter. She eventually moved on (yes, for the money) and spent 12 years as an Advertising Executive, often writing her clients’ ads. She pens grants and presently serves on two Non-profit Boards of Directors. A stay-at-home-mom, columnist, blogger and self-proclaimed gourmet chef, she manages to retain her sanity. Jane is originally from Chicago and moved to Hershey, PA as a child where she lives today with her husband and two sons. Read Jane's blog here. Visit her website here.
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