| Testosterone and the four year old boy |
| Written by Jodie McEwen |
 From Edition 2 – September 2007Stick, balls, kicking, jumping: Symptoms of the four year old testosterone surge. O where, O where is my sweet little boy? Where, O where can he be? At some stage in the development of any little boy comes the time when they turn from being the cutest little boy in town, to a smelly little kid who resembles Dennis the Menace, at best. Jodie McEwen relates what happened when her boy Finn began these changes. The day my son was born, lying next to me in the hospital bed, all 6 pound 14 oz. of him, he was sleeping and still. As he curled his tiny hand around my finger, I remember thinking one day, he’d be a handsome young man; strong and tall, a young man who’s hands would no longer fit in mine. It was easy to overlook in my post-natal euphoric haze the stages we’d have to get through to get there. Finn was my second. His sister Lara was 2 when he arrived, and she provided me with a false sense of security. As did how easy a baby he was, always knowing he was tired, and just lying down and sleeping. He charmed the gentlemen and ladies with his smile, never ceasing to make his mother proud. However as he grew he blew away my lofty philosophies about rasing children the same way, regardless of gender. I’d come to swallow these myths. The birth of my son brought home suddenly that there are distinct differences between little boys and girls. Lara was always a fairly stereotypical girly-girl who puzzled me to no end that all the cars and Duplo in the world would not suffice for her desire to play with her dolls. When Finn was born, people said how he just looked like a boy. And it’s true, if there’s such thing as a man’s man, well then he was the boy’s boy. At one, he just wanted to ride his little trike. At two, it was ‘Bob the Builder’ and carrying his tools everywhere in a tool belt, just like Dad. At the age of three, he always wanted to play cricket with his uncles. He was always an affectionate little man, with a real snuggly side. Your perfect sensitive new-age three year old. But at three and three quarters we noticed a few things. He would climb anything. Trees, fences, people – they all got the Finn treatment. Anywhere we walked, he had to walk along the low wall or balance on the gutter. He got a bit more annoyed at his sister if she was being a pest, and even growled to voice his displeasure and would hit or kick things if he was frustrated. If he hurt someone accidentally, he thought it was funny and didn’t want to apologise. A couple of incidents with other people highlighted that something was going on with my son. Behaviour that is not accepted in our family was becoming more frequent. Aggression, defiance and outbursts of tears when he was frustrated were some of the things that made me go in search of some advice. Our wise friends, a few years further down the parenting track, lent me Steve Biddulph’s invaluable book Raising Boys. Biddulph talks about the stages that boys go through growing up, and especially relevant to me, was the three surges of testosterone that occur in a boys life-time. You guessed it, the first one’s at four! It was not til I discussed Finn’s behaviour with other mothers with boys of similar age that I discovered that it was professionally classed as ‘normal’. Basically, my friends reassured me that the disturbing ‘hitting and kicking everything in sight symptom’ is recognisable and OK. I used to shudder at the thought of four and five year old boys - the mess, the smells, the noise, the breakages. But I suppose it’s just another stage of the growing up process. And I have been assured it, and I, will pass. And it’s not all bad. At his sister’s school sports day, her teacher allowed Finn to tag along and join in the activities. It was a moment to melt any mother’s heart when my two children were cheering each other on and hugging one another after the beanbag race. But the stand out moment of the day was when the kindy class lined up with their foam pool noodle-like ‘javelins’ and Finn threw twice as far as any other kid, even though he is two years younger. Maybe the entire ball throwing in the lounge-room game is paying off, as he does have an awesome throwing arm. At the park now he’s no longer content for me to just kick the ball to him, he wants me to tackle him when he is dribbling the ball on his way to shoot for goal! He is growing stronger, smarter and taller each day and it is my privilege to be able to witness first-hand what a gorgeous, yet mischievous, caring boy my son is learning to be. And that’s something to be revered. |